Argh. Sorry about the complete and total lack of activity: I blame the back, the mind numbing job, the Spanish Inquisition and the return of Swing Music. Anyway.

What's the most awesome thing you've seen me do? What's your favorite part about the way I play my characters? When have you had the most fun interacting with them? Show the love!

If you could ask any of my characters any questions? What would it be? He/She could take the time and actually answer them without having it being in the situation where it has to be in character. You can take this opportunity to ask my characters how they feel about yours, or why a certain character does something, or how can a certain character do something else.

I play Samus, obv, and Karen, who never gets any love.

ALSO: If I am slower than usual at replying to things, it's because I've thrown out my back and it hurts to live. kthx.

I didn't want to say it, but... the Phazon beam is a very nice piece of hardware.

Samus makes her way to the center of a clearing ringed by statues, carrying a large duffle bag with her clothes. She's wearing a bomber jacket, a pair of camoflage-print cargo pants, and rather clunky boots- not fashionable in any sense of the word, but nice for keeping her flight suit covered up. She takes a moment to scan her surroundings, reflexively, and... settles in to wait.

Eva, it's looking less and less likely that we're going to end up on the same planet, so... I'll just say what I have to say here.
( Read more )

During my last few missions, I was exposed to an extremely dangerous radioactive substance known as Phazon. The Space Pirates were experimenting with it, both as a potential energy source, and for its mutagenic effects on living cells. Between shutting down their operations center, and... other complications, I practically swam in the stuff. I didn't have a choice. I thought my Power Suit would protect me.

When I went in for a medical scan, the doctors found Phazon-corrupted cells in my optic nerve, my upper spinal column, the muscular tissue around my heart, and the areas of my brain associated with aggression, interpersonal relationships, addiction, and language. Any more, and I'd glow in the dark. The headaches, the mood swings, the paranoia, the visions hallucinations, and the physical symptoms I've been experiencing lately are all textbook-perfect symptoms of Phazon Syndrome.

There's no cure, but there is a treatment. The altered cells function fairly normally, but they're usually too 'hot' for the rest of my body to interact with. Federation medical scientists have apparently found a way to stop the spreading, and to 'bleed' the excess energy out of my body. The doctors say that I'm responding well to the implants, and if the Suit can adapt to it, I might even be able to power my weapon systems from them. This is all cutting-edge, however, and they don't have any sort of projections for my future- short of 'working off these damn medical bills'.

And why do they even have a treatment for Phazon Madness, anyway?

WARNING: nonstandard input detected.
Engaging auto-translator module.
Translating from Language: Chozo (Dialect: Warrior/Healer)

-I am ready-

Samus is going to do the dramatic in-character reveal later this week, but here's the short version for people who are omniscient/sick of dealing with crazy randomness. :/ I delayed the payoff far too long, I know.

( [quasi-sort-of-spoilers for Metroid Prime 3, spoilers for DDD] )

Reports are starting to come in from the wreck of the Valhalla, just outside of Vhozon space. It couldn't have been anything but Space Pirates, but it doesn't look anything at all like a Space Pirate raid. They've never hit a fully operational Federation battlecruiser before. They didn't loot the ship for valuables, they didn't strip it for parts- they even left the bodies intact, and none of the experts know what to make of those, either.

That's because they've never seen what a metroid does to a corpse.

As far as I can tell, it was a perfectly executed smash-and-grab. Ridley and his escort must have kept the slower, more powerful ship occupied, keeping her guns from blasting them into vapor long enough for one of the Pirate frigates to ram her. Massive hull breaches on both ships- but the crew of the Valhalla would be exposed to an entire cargo hold full of starved and tortured metroids.

No survivors. They never had a chance. Ridley killed them all, and if it weren't for those frozen bastards and their morality complex I could have stopped it, I could have crushed his SKULL UNDER MY-

...

Damnit my head hurts. I should let the ship fly the rest of the way.

You are The Tower

( [Tarot-Cut] )

Maybe not all of these quizzes are a waste of time, then. A Tarot is a kind of oracle, right?

Ridley and his convoy just cut across the border into Vhozon territory. I'm gaining on them- I could probably catch up with him, unload my weapons, and be back in Federation space before the Judicators arrive, but I'd be violating no less than seven of the Interstellar Treaties. Even if I saved them from the Pirates, in their eyes, I'd be an oathbreaking heathen for daring to come near their holy land.

Not like they don't think we're all oathbreaking heathens anyway.

I have to let them go. I have to sit here and watch as they swat aside the Vhozon military and disappear off of my scanners on their way to wherever-the-hell-they're going. Hell, I can't even send a message to Vho and warn them they're coming.

Damnit.

The ship's long-range scanners picked them up this morning: Three ships of the right size and speed to be Pirates, accompanied by one biological energy signature.

Ridley's on the move again. Time to go to work.

Well, now the new suit doesn't fit.

Damnit, that stings.

The maximum acceleration the human body can safely handle is determined by the amount of stress the circulatory system can take. The average human limit is 39.2 meters per second per second- 4 'gees' - when accelerating upwards, and maybe 9gs accelerating forwards. I can go a little better than that, but not by much. Too far above that, and your heart isn't able to maintain an even blood pressure, or you stop getting proper blood flow to the brain, or you burst a capillary somewhere and start hemorrhaging, or your muscles stop being strong enough to fully inflate your lungs. You lose color vision first, then peripheral vision, then you black out, and then you die.

Space Pirates don't have blood. Their pilots can take 10gs without breaking a sweat. In order to kill a Pirate, I have to do better than that.

Enter the Federation Flight Suit. It's laughably primitive compared to the Chozo armor, but it does one thing and it does it well. Built in sensors monitor the pilot's vital signs, and smart fibers keep the limbs compressed and the lungs going. Wearing it, my tolerance goes up to 15gs, before whatever energy-compensation the Power Suit does.

So when I wake up in the morning and it's not skintight around my chest by any stretch of the imagination, that's a problem.

If you could completely start your life over from scratch, what would you do differently the second time around?

There's nothing I could have done to stop Ridley, but... I could have delayed my military application. Just one more year. Just enough to keep them from leaving without me.

... What a depressing meme. Who started this one?

Shadow, it turns out that Eva is going to have to cancel. So. Thanks for your offer, anyway.

Apparently, there *is* an alternate universe where I'm in comic books. That's how infinity works, of course, but that doesn't make it any less weird.

Still, I guess it can't hurt to do some research...

Edited to add: WHAT THE HELL METROIDS DO NOT DO THAT

Eva wanted me to come by her world and pay her a visit- do you think you could give me a ride?

And... you know, on the way back, if you had time afterwards, and wanted to talk or something... it might be nice to see the ARK.

By the time I got there, there wasn't anything that I could do for them- or rather, there was only one thing that I could do for them.

A confirmed kill of a Space Pirate frigate is worth more than enough to cover my bills, which is something, I guess.

Excuse me. Maintenance needs to see my ship again, and I need to see the bar again.

Took the ship out for a spin- maintenance didn't do too bad a job with it- and the long-range sensors picked up an automated distress beacon, weak encryption. Some sort of unspecified technical malfunction, that turned into an engine failure. They're running out of power, and it's bad enough that they don't care who knows it.

It's inside my jump range; If I leave now, I should be able to get to their ship before they go completely dark, unless Pirates pick up the message and manage to get there first. Assuming, of course, that there's a ship at all, and it's not a Pirate trap designed to lure a Hunter into a heavily armed frigate.

Either way, I might get paid today.